Brain Times

Just Dead

They’re a gnawing’ me


This is my newspaper after all. After everything. For the moment. Perhaps some day I’ll find some like-minded individuals, people who see the eternal optimism required in producing something as mundane as a newspaper during the apocalypse. What’s next, evening news?

“And now, Sports! What’s happening Jim?”
”Well, it’s a total blood-bath. Both teams have been devoured, their entrails left trailing across the pitch as they rise up from the dead and join the attack on the few spectators. But what a great day for it!”
"Sure is Jim!"

But I digress. As I said, for now this is my newspaper. And I want to talk about food. Why I don’t know - I’m starving and I don’t see that this is going to make it any better. But food’s on my mind a lot - I don’t know what it is, but it’s a constant theme.

The times they are a changing

Come to think of it, this is a unique time in human history. We’ve been the top of the food chain for thousands (millions?) of years - unopposed, eating what we like, picking out the nice bits and throwing the rest away. We haven’t known the sensation of being hunted, the fear of being devoured, for so long that we’d be forgiven if we had disappeared altogether in a feebly-fought bloodbath when the food chain made an altogether unexpected orthogonal movement.

Of course, that’s not what happened. Humankind managed to dig deep into our pre-histories, summoned up a bit of that old-fashioned pre-hysteria, and all-in-all put up a good fight. A good fight doesn’t help much if what you’re fighting can’t be killed, but I’m proud of us anyways. But that’s not what I want to talk about. Not us being food.

Delicious food

Such that it exists anymore, at least. Being face-to-face with a violent and gory death on a pseudo daily basis changes people. Not in the same ways, of course - people are still people, people still deal with people things in different people-y ways. This whole armageddon thing seems to have gone a long way into drawing out the true nature of each person though - there’s very little reason to hide your innermost feelings when there’s no guarantee that you’ll be alive tomorrow. Obviously this has led to the surprisingly rapid partitioning of people into groups with remarkably different characteristics - but more on that some other day. For now, we’re talking about food.

Take steak, for example. It’s obviously somewhat harder to come by, harder to keep, harder to cook occasionally. But I think it serves as a neat dividing line into how people are dealing with this crisis - vegans / vegetarians not included obviously, there’s still no indication that you can trust them.

But take the average Joe in the street and offer him or her a nice, fresh steak. An increasingly large number of people don’t show the enthusiasm that you might expect for such a rarity - they either cook it far beyond what would have previously been reasonable, or they shy away from it. It’s probably the environment we’re in - once you’ve seen a human ripped apart, which is almost as commonplace now as it was rare before - it’s hard not to view the steak as something quite similar, which is somewhat off-putting.

That’s the one group of people. The other group, who perhaps are adapting to survival in this new world better, will take that steak out of your hands without a moment’s hesitation, and more than likely eat it immediately too - none of that old-fashioned nonsense about medium-rare, raw and bloody is the order of the day.

Test yourself - try a steak. It might tell you something about yourself. Again though, steaks are hard to come by.

Real food

Life is topsy-turvy now - so is food. You’ll occasionally run into emergency rations - nasty, preprocessed things, that the military seems to thrive on. These are best eaten reluctantly though - they seem to provide almost no good-old nutrition (still popular), and are rated worst on my mini-review of apocalypse food.

Next we have the classic donut - more delicious than the boring emergency ration, and for some reason twice as beneficial. Maybe it’s the sugar, maybe it’s the carbs, maybe it’s the taste of a time long gone by, but they’re pretty good.

Top of the current list is the classic chocolate bar. Delicious, but don’t waste it - the boost you’l get from these is greater even than the substantial donut, and worth waiting for.

Stay frosty.


Feature: the most dangerous people in the world

Who's stopping the walking dead out there? These guys are.

  1. NotTheDuck with 339 re-deaths.
  2. BluStormFlux with 267 re-deaths.
  3. LordMouse with 172 re-deaths.
  4. Daleth with 11 re-deaths.
  5. AppleUser with 7 re-deaths.

Feature: the deadest people in the world

Who keeps becoming the walking dead, time after time? These guys do.

  1. LordMouse with 14 own deaths.
  2. NotTheDuck with 13 own deaths.
  3. Viat with 9 own deaths.
  4. BluStormFlux with 6 own deaths.
  5. bergen.larsen with 5 own deaths.