Brain Times

Just Dead

A is for

Awwww. And awww is for awwwcohol. Our friend.

Humans have been employing alcohol for thousands of years, to help deal with things with which they would otherwise battle. To help us rally against those things, to form tiny specialized clubs. We allowed alcohol to make a shift from function, to institution.

And now, when our need is greatest, the institutions are gone. When the function became the institution, when it became so efficient and specialized and advanced... most people forgot how to do it on a basic level.

We don't know how to prepare our soul salve any longer, exactly at the time when we need to be in touch with ourselves the least. And it's a problem.

People are having to deal with each other one on one, soul to soul, without lubrication and without excuses. Without raising a bottle to hide behind, without proposing a toast to fake unity. And, yes, we're showing strain.

I mean, there is the chance that, without our social lubricant, we'll have to grow to know each other wha-wha-wha, but this is suddenly an age of realism. And realistically, humans have been trying to get along with one another for millennia. As far as I see it, there are exactly three possibilities here as to how it's gone.


Number one

The first case, for the sake of completeness, is the base / trivial case. In this hypothesis, we've never had any alcohol and the current human condition is a reaction to that. This one is patently absurd (look at Stonehenge), so let's ignore it.

Number two

We've just developed alcohol and it's going to be the downfall of humanity. Again, Stonehenge and history seem to indicate otherwise - we have a rich body of literature showing that humanity has historically enjoyed a drink or eighty, so let's move swiftly along.

Number three

We've had alcohol for a significant period of time. It's been with us, as we crawled out of the various dark ages, and things were on the up since. It's not like it's about to betray us now then, we did that all by ourselves.


Let's acknowledge our mistakes, and not try to pin them on an innocent drink. We buggered up, we brought upon ourselves the ravenous dead, and no amount of dirty glances at innocent bottles are going to change that. Poor drink. It's so sweet... I think I'll have another actually... then I'll achieve some things.


Feature: the most dangerous people in the world

Who's stopping the walking dead out there? These guys are.

  1. NotTheDuck with 339 re-deaths.
  2. BluStormFlux with 267 re-deaths.
  3. LordMouse with 172 re-deaths.
  4. Daleth with 11 re-deaths.
  5. AppleUser with 7 re-deaths.

Feature: the deadest people in the world

Who keeps becoming the walking dead, time after time? These guys do.

  1. LordMouse with 14 own deaths.
  2. NotTheDuck with 13 own deaths.
  3. Viat with 9 own deaths.
  4. BluStormFlux with 6 own deaths.
  5. bergen.larsen with 5 own deaths.