Brain Times

Just Dead


Do you even read bro?

Humanity has been predicting the end of times for a very long. We've been predicting it, and then recording our predictions. Like some sort of primitive betting pool, with no winners.

The traditional tale, the song, carved into stone, burnt into wood, a triumphant limerick - everyone has a theory, and it wasn't until we invented language that we could start getting it out. In fact, it seems as though the primary usage of our written language has been to stress that our time is running out. Up until now they've been, without exception, completely incorrect. But to be honest, I've got a bad feeling about this one.

Although several other events have had apparent street cred, what with their bemoaning, wailing, and jumping off of barns, this one does seem particularly convincing. Apart from a couple of acid-induced incidents, one or two awful chefs, and some particularly unpleasant mountain-tops, it's been relatively rare for humans to simply begin munching on one another. Yet that's suddenly far more popular than you'd expect.

The funny thing is, people have always stressed the importance of health. Now, I'm not saying health isn't good for you, that's just silly. But let me present a question: if you were to have one of the persistently not-dead chasing you, which would you rather have? One that was perhaps a little saggy around the mid-section, not great over medium-to-long distances, and with poor lifting power?

Or one in peak physical condition, capable of throwing you aside and tearing you asunder with barely a drop of sweat dripping down its strangely chiseled, undead brow?


What I'm saying is - if you aren't in good condition now, perhaps you owe it to the world to stay that way. It's not easy in a society where food is harder to come by, but do your best. You don't want to achieve more in death, than in life, do you? Survival in this new world is all about thinking things through - sometimes the obvious just isn't what we need.

There are a lot of serious incidents to talk about here, but there's one I want to touch on in particular. People seem to have stopped reading. But not in the way you're probably expecting.


Knowledge is indeed power, and we're far past disputing that. People know that the more you know, the less likely you are to be moaner food. Non-fiction is at an all-time high. But what of fiction?

What of our dreams? What of the lines of text that were the horizons of imagination, with as much said between them as was said therein? Well, they're dead, that's what. And not in an active, achoo-ing-your-face-off kind of way. Dead like a parrot. And this presents us with some knock-on issues.

It seems that when there is no escape from the drama that is the the day by day life, there is no search for escape. A little recursive, but that's recursion for you. People seem to have given up - we've stopped reading fiction, in favor of surviving, which on the surface seems fine. Sensible even - do what you have to to survive. But a civilization that has stopped reaching for the stars has no chance.

Not of being a civilization, at any rate. We might be delicious though.


Feature: the most dangerous people in the world

Who's stopping the walking dead out there? These guys are.

  1. NotTheDuck with 339 re-deaths.
  2. BluStormFlux with 267 re-deaths.
  3. LordMouse with 172 re-deaths.
  4. Daleth with 11 re-deaths.
  5. AppleUser with 7 re-deaths.

Feature: the deadest people in the world

Who keeps becoming the walking dead, time after time? These guys do.

  1. LordMouse with 14 own deaths.
  2. NotTheDuck with 13 own deaths.
  3. Viat with 9 own deaths.
  4. BluStormFlux with 6 own deaths.
  5. bergen.larsen with 5 own deaths.