Brain Times

Just Dead

The story

So, what the... ?

That's the question we're all asking. What the dot dot dot actually happened? How did we get here? And is there some dude with a YouTube channel, and a suitably brief introduction, that would be willing to lay it all out in five minutes or less?

Well, no. Not really. I mean, the Internet is up and we're all connected still for some reason - perhaps the sysadmins rule the earth now and they've opened the internet up for everyone? Regardless, the quality of YouTube has definitely taken a dive.

It's either videos that are mere seconds long, just people sobbing, or images of bloodied ex-humans attempting to eat the brains of their own reflections (with no success) for hours and hours. So not fascinating. Also, a lot of the time you have to pedal for the power, so it takes a particularly enthralling video to keep you engaged. And those ad networks didn't fall down with the rest of humanity, so you've gotta be really dedicated to avoid being oblivious.

That's not to say that we have no ideas. On the contrary, we know exactly what's happened.

"What happened"

First, there was darkness. Then, a word, and light. You might be feeling like you've heard this before, but bear with me. There are familiar aspects to every story, it's how you lure them in.

Darkness is nothing new; it sweeps around the globe every 24 hours like... like clockwork, you might say. Sound suspicious? Fan that feeling, then read on. We're about to dismantle what the Man wants you to think.

And the word that followed the darkness - the word wasn't a word so much as a general sentiment. A unanimous uttering. The early hours were confusing, so it's hard to tell if it was a unanimous word or not, but it was pretty common and it definitely wasn't brains.

Something more like, "Auughghuhghghaaaaagurgle."

Doesn't slide off the tongue well, but what was to follow did. And that was us.

But this isn't a story of what was to follow - any view out onto the skylines will gladly reveal that. Pillars of smoke, skeletons of skyscrapers, and ant-trails of prior-humans winding between ruins. What followed is what now follows. But what began it? I'm proud to present, thanks to many hours of sweaty pedaling through the less image-intensive sections of the internet, the following well thought-out conclusions.

The research

Well, it seems to have been a crazy combination of multiple factors. First off,

Genetically modified food.

I mean, we all knew that something was going to go wrong there, so before the outbreak occurred there were warning signs.

The manufacturers of GMO food proudly declare that the idea behind the food is to make it stronger, hardier, more resistant to disease, and what isn't hardier than a creature that survives death itself? The connection is obvious when you're looking for it. But it's like we couldn't focus. And when we can't focus, what's the first thing that comes to mind? That's right.

Sugar

Sugar has been linked to everything, from cancer, to cellular aging, to memory deficiencies, to being a vital source of energy to being as dangerous as alcohol and tobacco. Yet for some reason we keep feeding it to children, despite the vast evidence of it making them 'sugar high', aka 'hyperactive'. That sounds a lot like the walking dead to me.

GMOs + source of energy == persistent dead?

There was just one final piece in this puzzle. Yep,

Autism juice

aka vaccines. Science always thinks it's so clever, with its removal of plagues, eradication of most childhood illnesses and so on. But what's the worst illness? Yeah, it's death. And now, given the previous evidence, I think we can safely assume that science has conquered the biggest boss of them all of all - death.

But instead of requiring you to pay weekly for overpriced medication, it's just killing people outright and demanding that they keep moving. No doubt some monetization was planned, and would have succeeded, were it not for the end of the world and all.

Foiled, by their own machinations, hoisted by their own petard as it were, and revealed to you in the fine piece of research that I've put together.

Conclusion

To summarize, clearly everything caused this apocalypse. If you read enough, you'll find that everything is deadly. Something strangely contradicted by the number of people that are refusing to die.

The point is, we don't know what happened. We may never know. But the only thing that'll keep us going from here is to explore and find out, not to fall back on old wrongs.

Then we're just creatures of the night ourselves.

-J

Feature: the most dangerous people in the world

Who's stopping the walking dead out there? These guys are.

  1. NotTheDuck with 339 re-deaths.
  2. BluStormFlux with 267 re-deaths.
  3. LordMouse with 172 re-deaths.
  4. Daleth with 11 re-deaths.
  5. AppleUser with 7 re-deaths.

Feature: the deadest people in the world

Who keeps becoming the walking dead, time after time? These guys do.

  1. LordMouse with 14 own deaths.
  2. NotTheDuck with 13 own deaths.
  3. Viat with 9 own deaths.
  4. BluStormFlux with 6 own deaths.
  5. bergen.larsen with 5 own deaths.